I strive to find my motivation in a deeper sense of who I really am,
rather than fear and defensiveness.
Original wording (AA):
Humbly asked our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings.
The power of choice
In Step 6, you noticed that your actions are often motivated by character
defenses. So you are now paying attention to your impulses.
Before you did that, it felt like you had no choice over what you did.
Now, as you’re becoming more aware of what is behind your actions,
you gain the possibility of making different choices.
The wager you’ve been making is that, as you get more of a sense
of wholeness and contentment in your life, the choices you make will
be less influenced by your fears and the knee-jerk reactions they induce.
A humbling realization
It is humbling to realize that you have conflicting motivations, and
that the most powerful ones are not necessarily the ones you'd be proudest
of.
Little by little, you learn that lasting transformation doesn't come
through sheer force of will. Rather, it is a result of slowly observing
your inner conflicts and fears, and progressively shifting from fear-based
reactions to ones grounded in a deeper, safer sense of self.
As you go through this process, you develop a sense of awe -- something
that is akin to what religious people may describe as a prayer, in the
sense that praying is about being open rather than about placing an
order.
A sense of awe
This is a time when you realize how much you want something to happen,
at the very time as you are fully aware that it is beyond your conscious
control to have it happen when you want it, the way you want it.
There is a lot of tension in that. You can resolve this tension by
pretending you can control something, by having a temper tantrum...
or by humbly accepting your lack of control over something that is very
important to you.
In a way, you're back at Step One - admitting your stuckness, your
powerlessness, your lack of control over things you'd so much want to
be able to control.
You let yourself want what you want, even though it's not a sure thing,
even though there's a big risk of disappointment. This is quite different
from, either deluding yourself that you can control the outcome; or
pretending to yourself that you don't really want the result, just because
you can't bear to want something that you have no control over.
When you make an effort to be conscious of the impulses behind your
actions, and of the choices you have, you are engaged in a spiritual
process. You are deeply aware of your human limitations, and at the
same time you are connecting with a broader sense of self that helps
you go beyond these limitations.
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