Proactive Change®

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Step 10 of the Proactive 12 Steps

 
     
 

I live mindfully, paying attention to the motives and effects of my actions.


Original wording (AA):
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.


An inner moral compass

Step Ten means staying conscious, aware of what you do in your life. Conscious, aware… as opposed to living in a cloud of denial. Taking responsibility for your actions.

“Doing the right thing” does not mean doing just what takes you out of a tight spot. When you “do the right thing”, you get a sense that what you’re doing is in harmony with the world.

This is not a watertight definition of "doing the right thing" -- it has a lot of holes. But there is some merit to this lack of precision: This process is about getting an intuitive feel what's right, an inner moral compass.

Suppose you're getting angry at somebody and laying a lot of blame on them at a time when you can get away with it. It may feel good at the moment -- it lets you get off steam. But it certainly isn't something that makes you feel in touch with your higher self, or especially proud of yourself.

Step Ten is the compass that has you ask: Did this move help me move toward where I want to go?  Or, to put it into a more colorful way: How can you expect to soar with eagles if you keep behaving like a turkey?

Ultimately, Step Ten is about keeping in mind who you are and what you want out of life. When you admit you’ve been wrong, you’re not in a childlike role -- the bad little kid who gets punished for being wrong. You are a conscious adult who is able to notice where you went off course, and you are putting yourself back on the right track.

This is a good time to revisit earlier steps, about being defensive, about shoulds... This is a process. You have to keep working at it, because your habits are solidly ingrained. Going through this process is not a one-time thing that you do, and then it’s over.

This process is about learning a different way of facing the challenges of life. As your life goes on, you’ll keep facing the realities of what you do and who you are, and how you want to deal with happens along the way.

 
     
 
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