Proactive Change: a divorced dad is still a dad

Several ways a dad can be "with" a child when he can't be with his child

by Warren Farrell, Ph.D. - Author, Father and Child Reunion
 

- Tape record a loving holiday message, listing the ten best things you love about your son or daughter.

- Leave a series of loving messages on your child's answering machine.

- Buy some clay; make your son or daughter a statue (however inept) of a pet gerbil they cherish, the dreamed of horse you can't afford, or any memento of a special time you've shared.

- Hide post-it notes around your child's room, each one with a different appreciation message. Number the post-its, putting the first ones in easy places, making the hints as to where to find the next ones tougher and tougher; have a small gift at the end of the trail.

- Tape a song from you about the relationship between you and your child. Make it funny (e.g., give yourself a "take-off" name of a group or artist [Me2; Yo Yo Pa]; make it self-effacing (if you can't sing, make a joke out of it). Put the tape in a player your child can use in private to reduce his or her embarrassment factor (and yours).

- Email an egreeting card (e.g., eGreetings, Blue Mountain). Choose cards that reflect your child's interests.

- If you've got the courage, send three "Truth or Dare" cards to your child. Begin each card with a "dare" statement -- inviting your child to fill in the "truth" and send the card back to you. "Dear Dad, What I dare you to understand about me is..."; "Dear Dad, What I dare you to apologize about is...'; "Dear Dad, I dare you to listen to this..." Your gift to your child is your 100% assurance that she or he will receive no response except thank you.

- Do a video of yourself, showing your son or daughter your favorite memorabilia from their childhood (a soccer uniform, a trophy) and share what each memory means to you.

- Create an album for each child reflecting the activities you shared all year. Make this an annual tradition.

- Create your own greeting cards and send two or three to your child -- one sentimental, one funny, one outrageous. Don't enclose money -- keep the child focused on the sentiment attached!

- Send five "opinion emails," asking your child her or his opinion regarding:
"My favorite movie is _____ because _____"
"My favorite animal is _____ because _____"
"I like it best when mom _____"
"A good teacher is a teacher who _____"
"The best sport is _____"
"I like/dislike church because _____"

- Have a photo of you and your child reproduced on a mouse pad. That way he or she will be running their hands and eyes over it every day.


The dad who does this gives the greatest gift. The gift of seeing her or his dad as a giver of time and love, not just money.

 

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