Proactive Change: Couples / marriage counseling |
Proactive Couples Counseling
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Have you ever heard anybody say: "I want a divorce—my partner understands me."? Understanding your partner doesn't mean giving in. Some conflict is inevitable in marital relationships, as in any relationship. Avoiding conflict is not a recipe for a happy marriage - - but managing conflict is. It takes a conscious effort to reverse the vicious cycle of miscommunications. But it's well worth the effort. When you have an argument, what you hear is distorted by your baggage. It may feel like you are objective, while your partner isn't. But chances are both of you are unconsciously distorting what you hear, to one degree or another. If you just focus on the issues, trying to be "objective", chances are your partner will probably say that you don't care about how he/she feels. Besides, you don't agree on what "objectively" makes sense, so you have very little common ground. As a result, both of you feel misunderstood, unfairly treated, hurt... Of course, this doesn't make it any easier to deal with the issues and resolve conflicts. Once you realize this, the sense of frustration that comes from feeling so misunderstood and ill-treated can start to lift. Because there is a way out. It consists in dealing proactively with what is underlying the conflict - matters both of substance and of style. I coach you to face challenges together as a couple, as opposed to adversaries fighting against each other. When you come see me, it's not to rehash the same old fights, it is to find a way out of the "same old" patterns. Relationship coaching strengthens your listening skills as well as your conflict-resolution skills. So it is not just a way to solve the problems you are experiencing right now. It is also a way to strengthen your ability to deal with future problems in your relationship. See also:
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