How to build mindfulness into everyday life :
Mindfulness exercises as an invitation to experiment

What if ordinary situations could be the gateway to a richer life?

There was an episode of Seinfeld where George discovered something that changed his life. He was at the diner, with Jerry, and the waitress asked for what they wanted to eat. On the spur of the moment, he decided to order something different from his usual.

George said that, from now on, he would always do the exact opposite of what he was accustomed to do. After all, things weren’t working out for him, in terms of love or money, so why not do the opposite? And it worked: virtually instantly, he started getting attention, respect, love and money.  
 
Eastern mystics talk about karma, about the laws of cause and effect. They believe that whatever happens, happens because something else caused it. So the challenge is to try and figure out what it is that caused it, and tinker with it until it works right for you.

Of course, it’s easier said than done. It would be so easy if all it took was to do the exact opposite of what you’ve always done.

The idea is to allow yourself to deviate from what you’ve always done, in the spirit of experimentation. You don’t take for granted that there’s only one way to do things – the way you’re accustomed to. You’re willing to try other ways. You really don’t know what will work, you’re just trying.

So I am advising you to make new mistakes: Don't be so concerned with always making “the right” decision. Mistakes are inevitable, so just try to make some new ones instead of the old ones.

Of course, the point is not to do, in all things, the opposite of what you normally do. For instance, if you're accustomed to driving with your eyes open, please don't experiment with driving with closed eyes! In the following, I will suggest some experiments that have the potential to expand your hozizons.

Experiment 1: Change hands

As you eat your meal, change the hand you use, for just one minute. For instance, if you normally hold your spoon with your right hand, hold it with your left as you eat. Notice what it's like to pay more attention to movements you were taking for granted.

Experiment 2: The mindful card

What if your metrocard could do more than open the turnstile at the subway? What if it could be a gateway to mindfulness?

The “metrocard” is New York City’s subway and bus card. If you don’t live in New York City, or don’t use a metrocard, you can still do what I'm suggesting... for instance, with your ATM card.

I’m inviting you to try an experiment for the next few days: Think of your metrocard as “mindfulcard”.

What does this mean? I’m going to give you some suggestions:

- When you’re about to use the card, pause for a brief moment. How brief? Just the time to notice your breathing – a pause so brief people around you wouldn’t think you’re doing something special.

- As you’re using the card, slow down your movements ever so slightly – just enough for you to notice that you’re slowing them down, not so much that other people would notice.

- As you’re putting the card back into your pocket or your bag, do so with the same deliberate slowing down.

All in all, this shouldn’t add more than a minute or so to your routine.
Yet, it may alter the way you experience this routine.

I’m inviting you to notice what happens when you perform such a routine task with more attention: What does it feel like inside? Body sensations? Feelings?

Experiment 3: Stretching your comfort sone

It is usually a good idea to avoid talking about politics and religion when you're with people you don't know very well.  I'm not going to contradict the wisdom of this advice.  I'm just going to suggest that you might want to experiment with stretching your comfort zone in this area, as an exercise in communication.

When you stay absolutely safe, chances are the communication doesn't help making you closer to the other person.  If you take some risks, you reveal a little more of yourself, and you give a chance to the other person to reveal a little more of themselves. Of course, the trick is to not go so far that you turn people off.

Think of this as making little experiments. Having a visual metaphor may help: You’re venturing a tiny little bit away from the safe zone, observing whether the conversation remains cordial, being ready to retreat back if not. You’re extending the safe zone one small step at a time.

Notice how, in order to do this, you have to focus on how the other person feels, not just on the words or the logic of the argument. As you do this, you are more connected with the other person.

Experiment 4: Elevator eyes, eye contact in the holiday season

One feature of civilized life is "elevator eyes". This describes how we avert other people's gaze when we are in a confined space. This doesn’t just happen in elevators; we tend to walk in the city without making eye contact with other people.

The usual explanation is that we feel crowded, we all need a certain amount of "territory", and we make space for others by not looking into "their" territory.  In this article, I want to introduce another element. I want to pay attention to the kind of way we look at other people, and feel looked at by other people. There is a way of looking at other people that is invading and judgmental.  And there is a way of looking at people that is gentle and accepting.

During the holiday season, as people wish each other “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays”, chances are you’ll be noticing more eye contact. Perfect strangers can smile at each other, in an elevator, in a shop, in the street... It’s the same city you’ve been living in the rest of the year, and the same people who live in this city. But something changes in the way people perceive the presence of others: T'is the season for people to engage with each other in a happier, friendlier way.

You expect this in the festive atmosphere of the holiday season. But this kind of engagement is not just brought about by happy times. Sometimes, it is a reaction to difficult times.  For instance, it is the kind of camaraderie that occurs during, say, a subway strike in New York City.  On a broader scale: large catastrophes often inspire us to have a sense of bonding with our fellow citizens, or our fellow human beings in general. 

What I am talking about in this article is the way in which we can shift from a guarded sense to a warm, open sense toward other people. I am inviting you to observe the subtle differences between feeling looked at in an invasive and judgmental way, and feeling looked at in a gentle and accepting way.  I'm also inviting you to observe the difference between when you are looking at people in a judgmental way, and when you are looking at people in a warm and accepting way.

See also:

- How we define ourselves by the choices we make

- Mindfulness and therapy

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