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It takes a conscious effort to reverse the vicious cycle of miscommunication.
This process is called “active listening”. Other ways to
describe it would be to call it “enhanced listening” or
“focused listening”. The basic idea is that, as you listen
to somebody, you pay special attention to understanding what this person
says.
Now, what’s different from what you feel you’re already
doing?
The difference is that, instead of just assuming you are listening,
you actually focus on what the other person is saying in order to summarize
what they said, in a way they would agree with. This ensures that your
attention is on what they say and mean, as opposed to what you think
they say or mean.
When you do active listening, you're agreeing to focus on a common
goal: to improve your ability to deal with the problems in your relationship.
Active listening is very different from the way we usually deal with
arguments. It will be difficult to make this kind of change when both
of you feel very upset. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't work right
away. Keep trying.
See: How to improve communication.
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