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A typical question:
My wife said it is not healthy for a child to share 1 week with one
parent and another week with the other parent. I have a 3 year old
boy. Please give me some advice on this matter.
An answer
by Rick Kuhn, divorced dad, Research evaluator for the Children's
Rights Council:
Dozens of studies conducted over the past 20 years have shown overwhelmingly
that shared parenting is the best arrangement for children. When I
had to work out arrangements for my kids, I reviewed all the literature
I could find, and paid the library to search dissertation abstracts
for every dissertation on joint custody. About 2/3 of the existing
research shows shared parenting to be better than sole custody; and
the other 1/3 finds no difference. Today there's a lot on the internet.
My youngest was just 2 when my ex and I separated. We have had a
50/50 alternating week schedule ever since then. He's now nearly 7,
and I don't think you could find a more good natured, well adjusted
kid anywhere. It's especially important for young children to have
lots of time with both parents.
One recommendation though: some of the research indicates that younger
kids shouldn't go more than a couple of days without seeing both parents.
Some people alternate days, but we found that the best approach was
to have the "off duty" parent pick up the kids after school
on Monday and Wednesday, then go back to the "on duty" parent's
house around 8:30 or so in the evening. That way they're at the same
house for the whole week, but still see both parents at least every
other day.
It's also a good idea to try to keep the houses close together. Ours
are within a short walk, and it's worked out wonderfully. My situation
was no more amicable than any other, but after we worked out this
arrangement for the kids, it went very well.
When both parents want to continue being parents it's destructive
not to work out a shared parenting arrangement. I think one of the
reasons sole custody tends to produce problems for kids is that conflict
between parents is inevitable when one is forced to become a visitor
to his or her own children. One more suggestion: work out ALL details
in the separation agreement. This can be a little tougher to get in
place, but it makes things much easier down the line.
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