Effectively controlling anger means learning to calibrate how you express anger in a way that is appropriate to the situation. We’re talking about calibrating, modulating, and managing the expression of anger.
I’ll give you an analogy. Let’s imagine you have a powerful sports car. If all you know about using the gas pedal is pressing on it full bore, then you’re in deep trouble, because you can’t control the car. But the solution is not to keep the car parked in the garage without ever driving it. You need to learn to modulate the amount of power you’re using at any moment, in a way that is appropriate to the situation.
In the same way, the purpose of anger management is not to muzzle you. It is to help you learn how to modulate the expression of your difficult feelings. Far from limiting your life, this will help you get much more satisfaction out of life.
Proactive anger management is based on understanding what causes your anger, and on recognizing the early warning signs. This way, you do not feel that you are on a tight leash, at the mercy of a sudden explosion. You are truly in control of yourself, in a poised and relaxed manner.